At Thirty

6 min read

Mummo, Kukka, liinapäässä, Perhos teepaita yllä. kesäk. 2001. Piirtänyt Ville Kokkomäki. * Grandma, Flower, wearing a headscarf and a butterfly T-shirt. Summer 2001. Drawn by Ville Kokkomäki.

Thirty life advice by a thirty-year-old, in somewhat order of importance. This is life advice and wisdom that I can’t really give and remind to anyone but myself. It’s what I’ve learned is good for me, and it might be good for you too.

Put God first. Not necessarily religion but definitely something greater than yourself. Seek God daily. Without this foundation, you end up worshipping money or status by default, inadvertently. You lose nothing by having faith, but risk everything without it. Seemingly and strangely ll else derives from God.

Practice vipassana. Meditation at the level of bodily sensation is the most direct path to self-knowledge. Every other advice and everything else deepens and derives from what you discover here, in the now.

We are all suffering. This is Buddha’s first teaching — dukkha. Recognising it dissolves judgment and builds genuine compassion for the people around you. There is not a single person on earth who isn’t suffering from something.

Death is not the end. Understanding death reorders your priorities immediately. It is the clearest signal of what actually matters, right now.

Let go — of everything. Your anger, your grief, the beanie forgotten on the bus seat. Everything is in constant change, even joy and happiness. Attachment to any of it costs you peace.

Never lose the inner child. The five-year-old is still in there — curious, joyful, fearless, playful. Don’t let the cruel adult world fully bury him and her.

Be humble. The world is more complex than any of us can grasp. Even the most confident people are children in adult boots. Say I don’t know more often.

Silence carries more than words. What is left unsaid is usually what matters most. In silence, something deeper can reach you.

Learn to really listen. Most people are waiting to talk. Be the rare person who listens fully with presence and patience, and without agenda.

Stop trying to change people. You can’t. Focus only on changing yourself. Accept others as they are; everyone is operating from their own truth.

Give without expectation. Drop what you think a relationship should look like. Give for the sake of giving.

Open relationships do not liberate and monogamy does not protect. Just because you have the freedom to kiss everyone doesn’t mean you feel and are free. And a closed, monogamous relationship will not shield you from jealousy, insecurity, and loneliness. Neither structure saves you from yourself. That work is yours alone, regardless of what you and your partner agreed to.

Focus on the good in people. Humanity is at its essence good, but we are ignorant. Even Darth Vader in all his hatred and ignorance had some good in him left.

The world’s most important words are simple. Hi! How are you? Can I help you? Thank you. You’re welcome. I’m sorry. It’s okay. You matter. Can I give you a hug? It’s okay. It’s enough that you’re trying/tried. I’m proud of you. I love you.

Hug for longer than ten seconds. Not just your partner but your friends too. There is nothing sexual about it. It does more than most words can. It leaves an impact on someone’s heart.

Notice the quiet person in the room. A hello, a direct question, a moment of eye contact is all it takes. Most quiet people are not disinterested; they are simply waiting for a nudge. You don’t need to be their caretaker, but you can hold the space for them.

Tend to your close relationships. Friends and family is why we are here.

You cannot give advice to people however wise you think you are. Everyone must walk their own path to arrive at their own truth. Don’t push your wisdom on them. You can only hold the space.

What someone says reveals where they are. Whatever someone asks or tells you, it is almost always something they have been quietly wrestling with themselves.

Don’t judge on the first sentence. It is only the first brushstroke. Ask: what else? Keep going — sometimes five times — until you both arrive at understanding.

When someone asks you two questions, answer both, and not just the last one. There’s a common tendency in conversation to focus on whichever question came most recently, letting the first one quietly fall away. Be conscious of this. Don’t let the first question get buried or forgotten just because something came after it.

Attain reasonable financial security. Not wealth but security. Enough that money stops being a daily source of anxiety. You need less than you think.

Exercise, and push yourself physically. Your body can handle far more than your mind believes. The discipline built there builds confidence and the body provides much needed elevated mood and cognitive performance.

Find your art. It could be bodybuilding, drawing, painting, dancing, singing, woodwork, writing, martial arts, crafts, digital art, pottery. Anything that gets your creative juice flowing. It’s what we did 40,000 years ago on cave walls, and it’s what unites humans across all differences, religious, political, physical and the like.

Approach substances with scientific curiosity, not entertainment. Tobacco, weed, psilocybin and other drugs are not your friends. If you explore them, then only with crystal clear intention, if at all. Preferably not at all.

Question who and what you obey. Most obedience is just habit — inherited from childhood, school, systems. Blind compliance is one of the most dangerous forces there is.

Resist power structures where you can. The world is run by the powerful. Understand where and how they operate, and find your own form of nonviolent resistance against it.

Don’t conform to militarism. Violence doesn’t solve what it promises to. Real change comes through people — grassroots, nonviolent, from the bottom up.

Learn about Bitcoin. The current money is broken, and this shapes many things, such as sustaining war, inequality, capitalism. It matters more than it first appears. Stack sats.

Quit social media, dating apps, and the news. All noise. None of it needs your daily attention. None of it matters. You will be okay without it — I promise.